At the top of the roller coaster

It feels like we're at this point. Its Monday, late afternoon. I sit at my desk, at school, surrounded by other teacher desks. The entrance door is insistently revolving. There is a buzz, almost a hum of energy wafting through the whole building. That, mixed with a wave of cool air blasting from each air-conditioned office, and the warm swirl of musty, thick, grey air hanging in the hallways, it creates a pop of intensity and tussled motion. I wonder what they think. I wonder if they know what I am thinking. Can they tell? Can they see? Who's a teacher anyways? You? Me? The neighbor? The fruit stand lady? I know she DEFINITELY could teach me a lot! What's a first step? Where do we start? What tune, what note, what measure do we begin with? A bustle of questions and no answers till the question has past and the answer gone with it. I guess that's the best we get, no control, no power, no certainty. I hope we keep humble, loving, listening and creative. So at the top of the rickety rails we sit, waiting. That clear, crisp, long, dreaded yet intoxicating moment, risen to the highest heights, sitting, hushed quiet. Heart gallops. Hussssssssh. I know its coming. Husssssssh. It creeps closer. That single pause, the one where a billion thoughts are thinking through a mind, a million days are lived over, a thousand feelings felt. The hush before the tumble down. I think that's how I feel....for now:)